Until The Day I Die
by Phantom 1313
Summary: In the aftermath of the Kira case she solves murders but a certain case called 'The Backyard Butcher' case is extremely tough to solve even though Nonie knows who is next... it's her. If she doesn't solve this case then her son is left with no one but her brother A. The pressure is on and the clock is ticking but someone isn't getting out of this alive and it may very well be her.
1. Why Do You Hate Me?

**_This is continuing Starting Over though they can be read separately._**

**_I own nothing! The first chapter is going to be sad. You have been warned. CAUTION:Character Death Ahead! Not graphic death though so don't_ worry. SJ, Eva and most of A's character Belong to Nukia (GO READ HER STUFF AND LIKE IT... Please.) Thank You Nukia for helping me with the story and coming up with most of A's lines (and Eva's)**

**Go Team Panda!**

**My OC Nonie- started out based on me and became her own personality.**

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My name is Nonie, My alias is Storm and I am helping with the Kira case. I have a half brother named Aiden Tayler, A 'niece' named Eva Birthday, a son named Blaze Lawliet and I forget how old I am. My closest friends are dead, their names were Beyond Birthday and Strawberry Jam. I never knew SJ's real name because I refused to know. I lived in Vancouver until I was 12 and then my parents died. After I was orphaned I went to Wammy's House in England where I lived until I was 16. When I was 16 my friend Matt made me a fake ID and I moved to LA. My two best friends in the whole world died in LA and their child Eva was left to my brother A. Before Beyond Birthday died I was called to Japan to help on the Kira case. Though I don't really do much with the investigation I can't leave now. My son lives at Wammy's for safety reasons.

I constantly remind myself of these things just incase. I never want to forget my past and I never want to let them go. The nightmares full of blood and death that come with the eyes. The nightmares and dreams of my friends... But worst of all are the fuzzy nightmares about the last seconds.. The last moments that I saw my parents.

I sigh and sit alone reading case files on the couch. I hear a door slide open somewhere to my right and L walks over to me. I mutter a quiet hello as he crosses the room.

"Hello" he replies with no emotion.

Light Yagami was still being monitored along with Misa Amane. Misa had screamed and called L a pervert many times and I couldn't help but giggle. They had both given up their Death Notes and I could easily kill Misa... But something tells me I can't. That it would be wrong. Even using my death note, murder is murder.

She is like a child.. Too stupid. I'd feel terrible.

"It's time I let them out..Something's changed. They won't talk it's like nothing ever happened." L sighs "I trust you were watching when I left?"

I forgot where he went but I didn't really care... I feltfluke giving up and the whole remainder of the task force could tell. 'Why don't you just go?' Matsuda had asked me. I told him the truth since he keeps secrets. Plus he already knows.

"They're sleeping... There's not much to monitor but yes." That's a lie.

We didn't speak much since we actually fought about the whole thing with A... And another matter I don't want to mention. I was forgiven but I really didn't feel like speaking. I felt bad and every time I tried to say something I couldn't think of anything to say to him so I just stopped.

I hate remembering things. My mind seems to live to torture me though. I like laughing about some things like Light's face when he walked in with Misa on his arm. The look he gave me was apologetic. HA! He thinks I actually care about him when really if I ever decided it was okay I would kill him.

I liked the looks I got when A and Misa were arguing, the smirk I got made me want to laugh so hard I'd fall out of my chair. The way I describe it makes me sound cruel but how is it fair that he gets to live longer than the one person left in this world that I love other than my direct family.

I touch the ring on my left hand and smile, I can't help it but I get butterflies in my stomache when I realize I'm married and everything the ring stands for. But I want to cry when I look at his life span... It's never enough time.

I hug L and walk to my room without a word. I hate emotional moments now, I don't know why but I just can't take it. I put my headphones in and turn the volume on my iPod up as high as my ears can stand. I press shuffle and the song 'I hate everything about you' by Three Days Grace comes on and I think of B again.

My best friend- my dead best friend. What he did haunts my nightmares and keeps me awake at night. I hate it but somewhere deep down I still love him. I cry and then I remember SJ. Sweet SJ would never hurt a fly yet she died so young in her sleep. She just died and it's not fair!

Not to Eva, not to A and not to me. Eva especially! After her mom died her dad died very few months after. Why is that fair? I hurl my iPod at the wall and cry until the tears refuse to fall any longer. For the first time in a long time I fall asleep in my bed.

...

I don't know what they are all talking about I lost interest but I am brought back to reality by someone's protests as they are handcuffed. I glance up to see Light frowning at L. The two are chained together.

How did I miss that? I sigh as Misa walks into the room and sits beside me. Why me?

"Misa you are also going to have to be monitored." L says

"By you? Ew no gross! Pervert!" Misa squeals

"No. I feel it's fair for you to be monitored by a female." He replies.

I protest but a cold metal handcuff around my wrist is all I get for a reply. I groan and stomp a foot on the floor like a child.

"Why do you hate me?" I groan.


	2. Life is Unfair

_**I know this story is going really slow but I have school and all •~• Anyhow here is the next chapter. There will be a **__**timeskip soon. I hope you review :) Thank you for your support already**_** ^.^ Short chapter this time but I promise that chapter 4 or 5 will make up for it.**

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"Whoa what did you do to get chained to streetwalker Barbie? I seriously don't envy you." A chuckles

"Oh AKira be nice." I smirk and shut up Misa, not wanting to hear her voice.

"Uncle A what is a streetwalker?" Eva asks

"You wanna handle this one there A?" I chuckle and start eating a lolipop.

Eva just stands by me and stares at her uncle, waiting for a reply. Oh I can't wait to hear this excuse. I love when my brother slips up and says something like this around Eva. It's cruel but it's funny to watch him squirm.

"Uh no not really." A laughs nervously and runs a hand through his blonde hair.

"You see Ichigo... A streetwalker is... Erm... Hey let's go get some jam." A smiles

"Ichigo you will know when you are older... What with an uncle like A" I chuckle and stick my tongue out at my 'twin' brother who is really my older half brother.

"Oh how charming." A chuckles

"You know me I live to be polite and charming." I roll my eyes

"I know that fact too well" he smirks.

"That's because you're my b...est friend." I say, glancing at Misa.

Reminding myself that storm is my alias. Storm's only family is her uncle Watari and she is working to be a detective like L, she is an intern right now and she has no brothers or sisters.

"Uncle A I want Jam..." Eva frowns and tugs at his shirt.

"Run Ichigo! Run from the Barbie before she turns you into a doll!" I chuckle.

Eva squeals and runs off somewhere.

"Oh no please don't turn Ichigo into a brainless Barbie doll." A frowns and sticks his tongue out at Misa.

She's far too absorbed in her text messages to answer him. This is going I suck! I hear a loud crash as Eva runs into a chair. I yank on the chain and pull Misa to her feet as I rush to Eva.

"Get up Barbie this is not a drill!" I said when I pulled Misa to her feet.

"You okay?" I chuckle "I said run not into a chair"

I help Eva to her feet and brush her off.

"I'm fine." Eva smiles

"Ouch that looked like it hurt." A frowns.

"I'm still going to be immature even if you don't like it" I laugh "Oh and Eva? I was only teasing." I say as I hug her.

"I'm okay" Eva smiles.

"Oh and A, I'm still going to be immature. I just love to tease you" I laugh and then add 'Let the panda jokes fly now' in sign language.

"I know, I can take a joke" He smiles at me and them turns to L and Light "So skip rope huh? Who wants to go first?" A smirks at the two boys chained together.

I laugh and pull Misa back to the couch. I love my brother.

...

Misa was asleep finally after hours of talking I just pretended I was asleep so she'd shut up. Now I couldn't sleep though and it was nearly 9am and I was still wide awake. My phone buzzes in my pocket, I pick it up and look at the call display. It's Blaze.

"Hi sweetie what's wrong?" It's 1am in England, he can't be calling just to say hello.

"I had a bad dream, mummy I'm scared." he sniffles

"Oh no don't be scared, it was just a dream." I frown.

"What if you don't come back?" Blaze says in a shaky voice.

"You know I promised I would. Cross my heart remember?" I reply calmly

"What about Daddy?" he asks.

I bite my lip and stare out the window, trying to think of what to say. Blaze had tomeB born with eyes like mine?

"Well.." I pause to make sure Misa is still asleep. "Blaze, Maybe you should talk to daddy about this one. Okay?" I sigh, not knowing what else to say.

How do you tell a three year old boy that his father -who he barely ever sees- is about to die in less than a month?

"Can I talk to him?" Blaze sniffles

"I'm sorry baby he's busy right now. I wish I could tell you yes though" I really wish that Ryuk would just shut up and kill Light already.

"Mummy?" Blaze asks

"Yes?"

"Don't die." he starts to cry and hangs up on me.

"I'll try sweetie, I'll try." My voice cracks, I know he can't hear me.

I think of my little boy, all alone just wishing he could see his parents. I start to cry because I know that he will probably never see his father ever again. Covering my face with my hands I begin to sob quietly.

Why is life so cruel to the people around me? Blaze, Eva, SJ, Aiden. It's all so unfair... Unfair I seem to be using that word a lot lately.

Life is unfair.


	3. These Chains

**_I am aware that the plot of Death Note (the actual official plot) is not being followed (example; Misa was locked up while light was and then Light worked while chained to L. However this is fan fiction and Idecade what goes olong long with Nukia who owns SJ, Eva and most of A's personality)_**

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"Light! Why do you ignore me?!" Misa whines

"Because you're annoying!" A shouts

"Whoa there blondie take a chill pill" I roll my eyes at my brother.

My only reply is a glare, he has been so on edge lately and it makes me sad because he used to be -or at least act- so happy. He was all smiles and perverted humor but lately he's just an uptight grouch.

"Hey did anyone ever realize Light's last name backwards is 'Imagay'?" I chuckle.

"Aren't you supposed to be reading case files?" L mutters.

"You're no fun." I pout and cross my arms.

Light smirks at me and I look away, maybe he'll just think I'm shy when really I just don't want to speak to him. I start eating a lolipop while I read more of the stupid files. I keep getting the feeling someone is watching me and this time it's not the Shinigami, no I've gotten used to them. Out of the corner of my eye I catch Light watching me.

"Hey you perv quit staring." I glare at him, happy Misa has her headphones in.

"I..I wasn't!" Light blushes

"Hey Light, eyes on the road not the candy shop." A glares at the younger boy.

I bite my bottom lip and try not to giggle when I catch L glaring at Light for a second. Somebody doesn't like sharing.. Good thing he doesn't have to. I smirk and keep reading about the most recent victims.

...

"Light, we should go on a date." Misa pouts as she climbs on his lap.

I make a disgusted face and start typing things on my laptop. Trying to ignore the two on the couch beside me.

"Fine." Light surrenders, pushing the blonde away.

"Ryuzaki, do you really have to monitor our dates?" Misa whines

"Yes Miss Amane I do." L replies in his -as always- emotionless voice.

"Well... Why don't we make it a double date then? You and Storm should totally go out!" Misa smiles

"Eww! Hey, no. Don't I get a say in this?" I frown.

"No." Misa covers my mouth.

I wish this girl knew what personal space was because then she would get her stupid hands off me and back the hell up! I resist the urge to bite her hand.

"Misa that is a very bad idea seeing as I am her boss. That would be highly inappropriate and it is out of the question." L frowns.

"Take it off before I break it off!" I shout in a muffled voice from behind Misa's hand.

Misa ignores me and I lick her hand, I warned her. She makes a disgusted face and wipes off her hand on her skirt.

"Eww! What are you a dog!?" she squeals

"No, I'm afraid you are confusing me with yourself. Or to put it so you understand; woof." I glare.

"Play nice." Light smirks at me and I just stick my tongue out at him.

**The Date**

I stared out the window, so boring. I hate hearing Misa talk, everything she says is either about L being a pervert, Light being so awesome, or herself.

"Storm are you listening?" Misa asks

"Huh?" I turn to her

"I said, what if when this whole Kira thing is over we have some girl time. Like shopping maybe!" She squeals happily.

"You know I'd love to but I'll probably working on another case" Or writing your name in a death note.

Misa continues speaking to Light about how amazing everything is. She probably thinks everything is so cool because she has the mental capabilities of a 2-month-old baby.

I bet if I jingle keys infront of her face she'll think it's magic, I smirk to myself.

I notice everything has gone silent and Light stands up. What have I missed?

**Earlier**

I try to at least act interested in thr current conversation but I just can't. It's hard to pay attention to Misa's voice.

"About this 'love at first sight'... It happened in Aoyama on May 22nd correct?" L asks Misa.

I block out a bit of their conversation and watch my feet, even with my eyes on the ground I can tell Light keeps looking at me. I give him a smile and then look back at the ground.

"Don't you believe in love at first sight Ryuzaki?" Misa frowns.

L smirks slightly but after less than a second it is gone, nobody seems to notice.

"In fact yes I do, it's a strange thing but yes." L replies... emotionless what else?

Only I watch his eyes and I know that what he says.. He means it. I bite my lip and stare at the floor.

"Oh really? Have you ever loved anyone Ryuzaki?" Misa replies, I watch L's expressions again.

Always watch a person's eyes for the eyes hold the truth. They are the window to the soul and the soul never lies.

"No. I have not, it would be extremely dangerous." He replies.

The 'no' is a lie but the last bit is a message.. Almost like a warning. I believe in love at first sight, Wammy's House when I was twelve and a strange boy with black hair rushed in to check on me. 'I was worried' he had told me.

To this day I am in love with that same boy I met all those years ago, L Lawliet. I trust him and he trusts me, we promised that whatever happened during this case would never damage... Us. I suppose. No matter what I had to say to Light, as long as nothing happened.

I touch the ring on my left hand, a constant reminder of the fact that love at first sight really does exist. Only what Light and Misa have isn't real, Light is only using her. Earlier he said that she 'was just some girl who said she loved him and now she won't leave him alone.'

"On private outings you will be accompanied by Matsuda. He will act as your manager." L tells Misa.

She argues and Matsuda is upset by this, he must have a thing for younger girls because I swear that boy is in love with Sayu... or at least thinks she's really pretty. Someone starts yelling and it's one of the men who's name I never remember... The ugly man with an afro.

"I'm tired of all this Misa-Misa crap! This is the Kira case for god's sake!" he shouts

"I completely agree. This is absolutely stupid why does any of this matter?" I frown.

The look I got from Misa was priceless.

**Present Time **

Light punched L right in the face and it looked like it really hurt, I guess that little jerk can punch harder than I expected. L flies across the room, the two are also chained together so Light follows.

"Ouch." L mutters, looking up at Light.

"Oh my gosh!" Misa gasps and backs up, stepping in cake that had fallen off the table.

I smirk and watch the scene unfold as I lean against the windowsill.

"Eew!" Misa cringes at the cake on her foot.

"Shut up I'm watching this!" I hiss and tug on the chain.

Light grabs L by the shirt and shouts at him, I'm not really listening because I find this amusing. L hasn't fought back yet but I know he can and will, you can see him studying the situation. Thats when he kicks Light in the face.

"An eye for an eye my friend." L says, calm as ever.

Light flies into the couch and of course L follows because once again, they are chained together.

"You know what I realized?" "I wanted you to be Kira."

Light punches him again this time nobody flies across the room, instead they stay there, motionless as L speaks.

"You know, I'm stronger than I look." L growls and kicks Light again.

The younger boy stumbles backwards and falls to the floor. Luckily Misa has already shut her mouth... Of course this is when the phone rings. I bite my lip, I'd bet my Death Note that L will answer it.

I stare at the two boys in the middle of the room, both are ready to punch the other. Tey have eachother by the shirt. As I expected L answers the phone, still ready to fight if he needs to.

I can hear somebody laughing in the background of the call, A. That has to be my brother. Of all the people in this building only two people would find this amusing. Aiden or me.

"It was just Matsuda being an idiot again." L rolls his eyes

"Well, he's not the smartest person." Light replies.

"Hey be nice, he tries." I mutter.

I start to walk away but Misa doesn't budge. These damn chains.


	4. Last Day

_**I hope you're really liking this story :) Thanks for the support :D There will be some happy chapters later on, I promise. Xoxo -** Phantom_

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**_-Time skip-_**

_The date is November 5th 2007. _

_I can't begin to tell you what happened in the time I have not been writing. All I can say is it has not been good. The handcuffs are off, I've had a fight with someone I care about and today his life ends. I kind of wish the death note would just kill me too. Sadly that is not the case.. I tested- well not me. She took over again, when My emotions are weak she can take over. It's like a split personality only I am aware of what she does and I can't stop. Phantom, she wrote Misa Amane in my death note. _

_Misa Amane - Falls down the stairs outside of a building at 8:15pm on November 1st. It didn't work, Misa Amane is alive and well. I'm not sure if I'm glad I didn't kill her or angry it didn't work. I believe it is the former. The only conclusion to this experiment is that the death note won't work on people who's lives have been extended by Shinigami._

_Therefore if and when Rem writes my name in her death note, along with L's name and Watari's name... I will not die. I doubt she will write Akira's name but if she does then I swear I will kill Light Yagami with my bare hands and throw Misa off a building. If that happens and I get caught... So be it. _

_I doubt I would ever do that because of my son... I don't want more children to suffer like Ichigo does. _

_-My name is Nonie and I hope Kira and the second Kira burn in hell for their crimes._

I light a match and burn thepaper I wrote on... Nobody can know how I feel about this. Once the paper was just ashes I leave my room and walk to the roof, I want to clear my head. Blinking away tears, I open the door to the roof to find L standing alone, staring out at the city below.

"What are you doing up here?" I ask, shouting over the rain.

Probably the same thing I am. He just shrugs and looks back to the town. There are no cameras on the roof. I've never understood why but I think it's a good thing because I never have to look for blindspots up here.

"I can't tell you" L mutters sadly

"You can tell me anything." I frown, looking up into his dark eyes.

"I think you should leave today.." he sighs

"No way. I promised you I wouldn't." I reply.

I know why he wants me to leave but he should know by now that I could never bring myself to leave yet. Especially not if this is his last day.

"I don't want you here." he says softly

"You can't ask me to leave at a time like this." I frown.

"What do you mean 'a time like this'? It's too dangerous now, you should have left the day the chains came off like I asked you to." His voice is emotionless.

The tears continue to fall silently but the rain hides it. L Lawliet - November 5th 2007, 8:56pm. A quick glance at my watch tells me he has 4 hours to live.

"You know about my eyes. I told you, Don't try to hide it so you don't upset me." I bite my lip so I don't start to sob. "You know I could never leave you."

"I don't want you getting hurt." he frowns.

I shake my head "And I don't want this to happen, I guess we both aren't getting what we want" I say stubbornly.

"Fine." He replies.

A long silence follows this and I try really hard not to cry more. I wish that everything would be okay and all my friends were alive. Of course this will never happen and Blaze won't have a family. A real family, sadly that's just not the way it works out.

"I can hear bells... Very loud today." L mutters.

Bells. Didn't B say he could hear bells on the day I saw his life span? The day I knew he only had a few days to live. Yeah he did.

I throw my arms around L and pull him close to me.

"I love you." I whisper, just loud enough for him to hear over the rain.

"I love you too, come on let's go inside." He sighs.

I nod and he puts an arm around my waist and leads me back inside the building. I want to keep crying but if I do he'll know. He's stressed out enough right now. He tells me to wait on the steps while he goes and gets towels.

I sniffle and start to cry after he leaves me alone, not because he left but because nobody sees me. I can cry now, it's okay. Wiping the tears away when he comes back I pull my knees to my chest.

"Are you alright?" he asks

"Yes, why do you ask?" I frown

"You seem sad" he hands me a towel and sits beside me.

"I'm completely fine.. Just worried about you." I sigh as I dry my hair

"Oh? And why might that be?" L asks

"You seem... Off, lately you've been very stressed out and.." I shrug.

I stop before I say what I've been avoiding saying. As if saying it aloud would somehow make it final, like it is not already. Only it is, today the love of my life dies and I can't do anything about it.

Messing up his hair with the towel, I smile. "You know... I'll always love you, right? And I'm sorry about the fight a few days ago"

Yeah we had a fight, mostly about the fact that all of Beyond Birthday's visits were recorded. I knew already and I finally apologized. He was fine with it, no emotion, just an "I know, you don't need to be sorry. I'm over it." Still, I was mad and we got into a fight over it.

"Don't worry, you're forgiven. I love you too." L smiles.

I love that smile, the real one I don't get to see very often. I hug him and smile back. A quick glance at one of the security cameras reminds me we shouldn't really be talking here.

"We should really talk somewhere without the cameras... come on." I say, standing up.

_I really don't care if I die now. I love my son and I would do anything for him... But almost everyone I care about is or will be dead very soon. L and today... Matt and Mello in a few months. _

_I guess I'm just that messed up. I don't want to die but if I do... It wouldn't be too soon for me._


	5. Final Goodbye

I walk out of my room and keep my eyes on the floor so nobody can see me. It's getting dark now and everyone is downstairs. Including L... I just need to talk to Rem. I like being around Shinigami as Fear has to stay in England and keep an eye on Blaze for me.

"Rem!" I hiss at the tall white Shinigami standing alone in one of the rooms.

"You can't do this Rem. I can help Misa get out of trouble... I just need time." I whisper, so the bugs outside the room don't pick up my words.

"Out of the question." She replies

"If I can't save her then kill me! Please just let them live." I beg

"How do you know the plan?" Rem growls

"You underestimated me." I shrug "Now, I can easily take your Death Note and kill Amane and Light myself... Or you can listen to me."

"And how can you take something you can't touch?" Rem replies and walks through a wall.

She walks back in and crosses her arms, as to say 'I win you stupid human'.

"Feeeear" I call in a teasing voice.

My tall blue and black haired Shinigami appears in no time. Rem looks shocked... I think. Her face barely moves but her eyes tell it all. I want to laugh but I haven't won yet.

"Give me the book." Fear hisses, her human-looking face twisting with rage.

"Fear... You could never beat me. No matter who the humans involved are... You will always lose against me." Rem replies calmly

"Don't even try to get inside my brain. I am not a human and not a Shinigami. I am both. You are not superior _I am! _If you hurt my human than I swear to any other type of god there is out there that I will snap Misa Amane's neck!" Fear snarls.

I have never seen her so angry. Rem won't hand over the book... I know it. We can't win this way. Until Rem is dead this cannot be solved. Rem can't be dead until Watari and L are dead.

Is it really worth it though? No it's not. I can see why Light does what he does- Hell I was on his side for a while there. He shouldn't deserve to walk free though. Murder is murder no matter who it is.

Beyond Birthday... Light Yagami... Misa Amane.. Even me! We are far from the same but we all have something in common. We are all capable of killing people. Some with their bare hands and some from behind the supernatural notebook. We are far from the same yet we have one thing in common. I can't say that enough, yet I will never understand it.

"Fear..." I shake my head "It's no use.. We can't win." I whisper to her only.

"Rem. Tell me.. Just who are you planning to kill?" I stare at the floor.

"Quilish Wammy, L Lawliet, Nonie Phantom."

"And the others?" I whisper

"Not worth it."

"I hope you burn in hell." I growl and walk out with my Shinigami by my side once again.

The rain pounds on the windows and lightning flashes outside. As if nature is reflecting my emotions. However that is impossible and it's just an ugly day in general. L is talking about how Misa may be the second Kira after all and that they might just have enough evidence to prove it.

Nobody in the task force looks at me funny so I take it they don't know what went on earlier. I wipe away the tears that began to fall and put on a serious expression. I glance over and check L's lifespan.

L Lawliet - two minutes.

Therefore I have forty seconds.

"You know what? Screw it!" I throw my hands up in the air

"What?" one of the men I don't know asks

"This god damned charade! I can't take it." I frown and walk up to the chair where L sits.

"What are you-?" I cut him off with a kiss.

He kisses me back and I try not to cry, at least it ends well. I pull away to catch my breath and his lifespan is at one minute.

"I love you." I whisper.

I glare at the members of the task force who stare at me in shock. Mostly Light who has a look of pure betrayal on his face. Shock, sadness betrayal.

'I love you' L signs before he freezes and I know his lifespan hit 45 seconds.

I kiss him on the forehead and say goodbye.

I rush out of the room and start to cry. Why doesn't she just kill me too- oh right she can't. I collapse on the floor in the kitchen in a corner and sob.

Light Yagami is Kira, Misa Amane is the second Kira and I will make sure they die horribly or go to jail. I hold my head in my hands and I know nobody is going to look for me. I am glad I'd rather be alone.

I feel a small hand on my shoulder and look up to see Eva.

"Auntie Storm..." Eva whispers and kneels down beside me "Don't cry.."

I don't answer, I hold my hands up to my face and cry- too loud. I feel Eva's small arms wrap around me in a hug.

"It's okay... Would you like to light a candle for Ryuzaki?" She whispers.

I almost smile slightly at this, Eva being so nice. Instead I just cry and hug her tightly. Not being able to think of anything to say I just say thank you. She leaves and I am left once again, on my own. Crying in a corner. I told her I was fine.

When really on the inside the last bit of my heart died. I only have one reason not to blow my brains out now. The only thing that keeps me alive right now is my son. Miles away in England. Even though I am dead on the inside.


	6. Sibling Talk

_**I'm sorry Please don't hit me! D: I've been busy f*#% you homework! Also for any Hetalia fans I'm thinking of writing a PrussiaxReader story.. As promised though Nonie is in every story xD muahaha. **_

_**On a different note, Nonie has become a lot less like me and more of her own Character. Criticize away xD (Does that make sense?) **_

_**I know, I know. What now? Starting Over was an LxOC story what the f is this? You'll see.**_

_**Anyways, I'm sorry I killed him off already. Only now the action parts can begin soon :} **_

_**Thank You to Nukia, the owner of Eva, Sj and most of A. I could not have written this chapter without you**_** :P**

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_{Two Days Later} _

I haven't seen the task force in days, I had been avoiding them. Even A, I haven't seen my brother since he tried to talk to me on November 5th. I ran. I watched the rain fall all around me.

One of the many places on the roof that nobody in other buildings can see you. Facing behind the HQ building and sitting alone in the pouring rain. Fear let me have my alone time as she knew I needed.

I was starting to be... Numb again. Like after my parents died. I know I have to be a good mom when I go to talk to Blaze, I can't be this... Cold emotionless being anymore. At least not until he doesn't need me with him.

I can barely hear my sobbing over the rain, the thunder storm stopped yesterday. I had kind of wished it would hit me... Let me go, let me be with my friends and family. Only that would be very bad because Blaze needs me. I haven't been a good parent at all, I hate myself for it.

It's cold outside and I decide to go inside the rain stops and I laugh for a second. Thanks but you're a bit to late. I sigh and walk down the hallway, trying to block out the memories of what happened two days ago. Instethere memories from Wammy's come back and I smile.

The first time we spoke, the day in the snow.. With a sigh I shake the memories from my head and keep walking, I can't cry today. I want to but I'm too worn out. I haven't slept since he died except for one time when I passed out on the roof and woke up in my bed.

It seems like the hallway never ends, but then I come to the stairs. Down the hall, down the stairs, around the corner, stop. This seems like as good a place as any to lose my mind. I decide to sit against the wall facing the window in the hallway.

I hear someone walking towards me and I decide to let them, if it's Light though... I may just hit him. Instead A sits down next to me and I nod to let him know that I see him.

"I'm sorry sis, I know how much you loved L." he hugs me "To be honest... I'm going to miss him, but he died doing what he loved... he his hero and you should be proud of what he did."

Now, instead of saying something like 'leave me alone you emo blueberry' or 'since when do you call me sis?' I decide to be a normal human being. Well as normal as I can be while I try to hold off that mental breakdown I mentioned earlier.

"Thanks Aiden but.. I-I'll be fine" my voice cracks "I don't need your help." I bite my lbottom lip and stare out the window.

"It's no problem, you know where I am if you need me. Or I could stay here and say nothing." A says softly

"Okay." I let silent tears continue to fall

He puts an arm around me and sighs "I'm not good in situations like these."

"I know, they make me feel awkward." I sigh

" Tell me about it, hopefully I don't say anything stupid and make things worse." he replies.

"I know you w-wouldn't mean to.. I-I'm not a weak little girl you know." I whisper

" I know, you're a strong woman... you are allowed to mourn for L, no one will judge you." A frowns

"Don't call me a woman it sounds weird... Yeah I know and I will. Just not now. It's all too much. Sorry if I make you feel bad but... SJ, Beyond, now L? Now I know what Eva means by everyone leaving her." I sigh

"Well you are not 12 any more"he smirks " Sure, mourn when you feel the time is right. I know, I understand why Eva thinks it, all our friends are leaving us... It a curse of being a Wammy student I am guessing" A glances down the hall "I hope you know Eva is watching us, she is getting like her dad for creeping around without anyone knowing." A frowns.

"I'm fully aware of that. It's just strange. Okay... Yeah I always hated Wammy's especially because of... Stress. Please I always know when she's there, I guess I trained myself." I shrug and continue to stare out the window

"I'm just making sure." he chuckles "You don't need to tell me about the stress, I'm thinking of sending Eva to the wammy now, I will feel better knowing that she is safe from all this madness."

"Oh shut up" I smirk "yeah I know. Seriously? Well at least she knows Blaze... I just don't trust myself anymore, Blaze is going to have to stay at Wammy's." I sigh

"Oh touchy" he sticks his tongue out at me "Yeah seriously, it will be good she will at least know one person there... I'm just worried if they find out her surname."

"Be quiet." I chuckle. "They'll be okay, you worry too much. It's good you care but you worry like an anxious mother" I chuckle and mess up my brother's hair. "Well I just think... It was too much too soon and what if I do happen to snap one day? That wouldn't be good at all..." I frown.

"Never!" he laughs "Yeah you are probably right, but i love Eva... I want to do a good job of bringing her up for SJ and B." A hurries to fix his hair "Oi! Don't mess up my hair! you'll be fine and you call me anxious mother." he smirks "but i'm here if you need help with Blaze."

"Alright fine then. I know you do okay and you're doing a great job." I smile "You are less hopeless now." I smirk "I couldn't resist, I had to. Awe Thanks A. You're a great brother." I chuckle and hug him

"Well I've grown up a bit now. It's not a problem, that's what brothers are for, right?" he smiles and hugs me back.

Eva runs down the hall and throws her arms around us.

"Group hug!" she giggles

"Coulda fooled me." I stick my tongue out at A "I'm not sure any siblings I've ever seen usually just fight a lot." I smirk "Eva you're not very sneaky."

"Charming" A chuckles "Well maybe I'm a special brother, but we have had little fights in the past so you could be right."

A moves and let's Eva sit in between us, I can't help but smile. Eva is just too cute to let me stay sad right now.

"I was not sneaking auntie Nonie, I was eavesdropping" Eva smiles.

Wow, that girl is turning out to be a lot like her parents. Well... At least she isn't like B. that would be bad, very bad.

"Yep that's me." I roll my eyes "Maybe... I like you better this way though. I know." I look at my feet.

"You mean like an anxious mother, but as I said before...I've grown up... I think having responsibilities helps." he pats Eva on the head

"No... Just as you, a good person." I frown. "Exactly...But sometimes it makes it worse." I rest my head on my knees

"Well A is for Angel." A smirks "True, responsible as it's downers, but i wouldn't change it for anything and you wouldn't either with Blaze."

"I would remind you what A used to stand for but that language isn't meant for little ears" I smirk and glance at Eva" I know... I love him to pieces and I hate not seeing him. It's for his own good though..." I sigh and wipe away tears with my sleeve.

" I forgot about that, but true I can't have Eva learning words like that yet" A laughs "Well I bet Blaze would love you to visit him, maybe you should go and spend some time with him for a few days, me and Eva will tag along... so you wouldn't have to do it alone." he puts an arm around me

"Don't cry auntie Nonie..." Eva hugs me

"Sorry, it's okay don't worry about me I'm absolutely fine" I hug her back "Thank you A I would like that very much.."

"I love you auntie Nonie " Eva says

"It's not a problem seeing we will be both going to the same place and it's my job to support you because I'm your big brother." A smiles

"I love you too, Eva." I smile at her

"True... it's cus we are blonde, skinny emo fags... thats why they thought we were twins." A chuckles

"You said you didn't want Eva learning words like that." I smirk "Did you know that Roger has a niece who is the nicest person ever? She organized a dance and Near dressed like a ghost." I laugh at the memory, god I actually miss Wammy's House.

"Oh shit.. I means balls... god damn it... I failed, I'm sorry Eva, I'll wash my mouth out later with soap." he laughs "Really? Roger as a member of his family who is nice? no way! the sheep did that? I bet that was awesome."

"Cute. Yeah you missed a couple things but I have a feeling you'll get to meet May one day." I laugh "Oh he did and I took pictures of him actually dancing, Matt and Mello were the Mario brothers and May made me Princess Peach. Oh god I was so uncomfortable. I have those pictures too and ones of... Our friends. Surprise, surprise L didn't dress up." I sigh, that was a fun night... I miss my friends.

"Is she hot?" A smirks "Oh man, why did i have to fake my death so early? sounds like I missed a good party, okay I need to see the photos, L looked like a panda... if i am allowed to say that."

"Perv. Oh don't be sad I'll show you the pictures... Maybe Blaze will because he's going to get all of my pictures and everything when..." I shake my head then shrug "Yeah you're allowed I guess, does anything really matter anymore?"

"Hey don't say things like that, we should have a bro/ sis moment and look through your pictures, i'd love to see our friends faces again" A smiles "everything always matters, sure me and L never saw eye to eye, but he was party of the family, so it will always matter" he frowns.

"Okay. I know I miss them so much" I sigh and glance at Eva "It's just not fair... I just wish I was nicer to her.. She was so sweet. You don't have to explain okay? I know, I don't blame you. I just... Don't care." I wipe away more tears

" I know, I miss them too, life is not fair, she never knew... so it's okay." my brother hugs me.

"Uncle A, you're crushing me.." Eva's cry can barely be heard.

"Sorry Eva, you were so quiet we forgot you were there." I smirk.

A thought occurs to me... It's about B. The guilt has been driving me crazy over the past few days.. I have to say something. Now. It can't wait. I frown and try not to cry, I hate myself.

"I know but I still feel bad about it... I need to tell you something.. When there are not little ears around to over hear." I hold my head in my hands and get really quiet.

"Eva is like a mouse at times... That doesn't sound good, eva go to bed" A frowns

"Please Eva, I promise I'll get you jam and cookies in the morning or something." my voice is muffled by my hands

Eva smiles and nods at me before jumping up walk running down the hall.

"Remember to go toilet before bed eva!" A calls after her.

"Okay!" Eva runs off down the hall, she falls but gets up and keeps running.

"Come with me." I wipe my tears away and stand up.

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_**Dear god that was a long convo and it's not even over! So much copying and pasting! D: ::dies:: x_x**_

_**My ghost: Forgive me for the wait. ::gives everyone cookies::**_


	7. Talking to Nobody

_**Sorry guys! Don't give up on me I just have a shit ton of school work is all D: also the first chapter to Blaze Lawliet is up and I hope you read that too, that is Blaze's story from Wammy's to Adulthood. I also have a hetalia story I will work on when I'm bored for anyone who likes Hetalia. :) Enjoy! ::gives cookie:: I'm so sorry Dx**_

_**You will have to wait a while to know what else was said between Nonie and A, I just do not want to copy and paste that much conversation in one night :( sorry. I skipped a year into the future just in case you wanted to know, I'll write all the action and goodness of chasing down Light again at a later time.**_

_**Love ya :) **_

_**Questions? Review then. Yes you will know about what happened in the last year and what was said on the rooftop but first I want to tellmyof so you don't give up on me if you haven't already. I'm sowwy... **_

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**_~Time Skip~_**

Blaze was fast asleep in my arms as I stared up at the ceiling. The moon lit up the room just enough so that I could see the room around me, this was my old room. Some of my pictures were probably still in the floorboards under the bed. There were so many memories, bad and good from this stupid room.

My first night here at Wammy's House all those years ago, the first time I met Mello.. Matt, L... B. Everymemory was back, clear as day when I was here. I just hope that Blaze will have a good life here. I can't live with him... Not that I don't want to but I just feel that I'm not responsible enough at this time.

Even though I know that he's my son I don't think of myself as his mother... It makes me feel old. I smile to myself and fall asleep. The Kira case is over with and I can move on now. I just wish I could have saved Mello...

Blaze shifts a bit so he is no longer in my arms, he's a heavy sleeper so I decide that I can go visit the Wammy's House Cemetery. I sneak out the door and down the hall. The science room window is open again just like it always used to be. I smile with the memory of sneaking out a lot. I know this building like the back of my hand.

There is an eerie glow outside due to the full moon. I make my way to the flower bushes and pick a few of them. All cheery colors like pink and yellow... Just happy reminders of what used to be. When we were younger... When they were alive.

The first grave visit is someone I never cared for, his name was Carmelo Halian. Otherwise known as Carele. Father of two, married to Lisa Halian. His children are named Riley and Jennifer, they now go to Wammy's House.

I frown at the headstone, he was buried here not long ago. It was his choice to be buried here where his children would most likely never see. One of the many reasons I had made arrangements for both twins to go to Wammy's. Also because this is the one place I trust they will be safe in.

"Carmelo..." I sigh and shake my head "You should have stayed strong for your children. I was never fond of you, on some level I wish we could have been friends. however, you were weak... Your kids are better off here. You will be missed, even I will miss you." I walk away to the next grave I visit.

This one is a fake, the single letter on the front means he was important when he was here. No real name, only the old English letter A. I smirk and nudge it with my foot.

"Aiden, you're not in there." I chuckle "I thought I'd never see you again... Obviously I did. You are my big brother.." I sigh "Therefore I kinda have to love you. No matter how much of a dork you are. I hope you have a good life after I'm gone and I really hope that you'll live a long life, you deserve a happy ending." I walk away again.

I turn back and say; "Since you're not really dead you do not get a flower, sorry."

I always visit the graves in this order, I don't know why, but I always have something to say to everyone. I probably visit them in this order because it's the most convenient. The next one I visit is L.

"You were a good person... I can't stay long though." and I place one white flower infront of the grave.

I walk away quickly, as if the memories can't catch me if I'm fast enough. The next one is B. The one where the tears begin to fall. I kneel down beside it and place one flower on it, the color doesn't matter for this one.

"You were my best friend and hell, I'll admit you still are. We could both talk about our crazieness without being judged around each other. I guess I did a better job of not showing mine." I sigh "I know, it is a rude thing to say, sorry. Anyways, I loved you. As a friend or otherwise.. But I miss you and I know that I was horrible towards you near the end because I was so madthat you left them. SJ never really forgave you... None of us did. I will remember you for the good person you were and not what you became. You were protective of your family... and me when we went to Wammy's. I will never ever forget that good person. Rest in peace my friend."

The next one is Mello. I stand up and walk to his grave, he's been dead for a while. There isn't really what you'd call a body in there. Just bones and some of his old belongings. He died of a heart attack and then the car he was inside was lit on fire. Dammit Mells if you had only listened to me. I kneel beside his grave and place two flowers there, one for me and one for Matt.

"Mello... God, I miss you" I grin at the grave with the memory of who he was. "You and I had some cool memories together. In LA, man that was the most exciting time in my entire life. You were the first person I truly made friends with here and to me that's really special." I wipe away more tears. "Cause of you I can say I was part of the Mafia." I chuckle "You may not have been the nicest person in the world but neither am I. I really wish I could have saved you too, Mells. One of my friends I didn't deserve." I brush dust off the tombstone "I'm sorry for everything you know? I'll see you on the other side... Very soon." I frown and walk to the last grave in the far corner of the yard.

SJ, I never knew her name and I never knew much about her. I sit on the ground infront of her tombstone, she isn't really down there so she won't mind. I place all the other flowers on her grave.

"I know you can't hear me." I say quietly "But I'm sorry for everything. You never deserved someone like me to be so rude to you.. I was a horrible person to you and I really wish I was nicer. I-I just wish I could take it all back, even though you probably never noticed.." my voice cracks as I begin to sob. "I was horrible, SJ I'm so sorry.. And I c-can't ever say that enough." I take a small bracelet out of my pocket and place it with the flowers.

In small letters it reads 'crazy' because SJ had the one that said Dancing. From our Wammy's Halloween dance. Yeah, I kept it in my pocket all these years.

"Rememer this? I think that's the first time I tried to be nice to you... I am leaving it here so that you can know that I remembered. I miss you and I'm so so sorry." I let the tears continue to fall.

With that I walk away and make my way back inside Wammy's, I have to leave in the morning to work on the case anyways...


End file.
